Napkins were all over the floor and the house was ultra quiet. I was alone. I was heartbroken.
It was 2011 and my ex just got done telling me that she was attracted to another man and it KILLED me that she moved on.
I wanted my ex so bad, but I made every mistake in the book and MORE!
I was miserable for months and it felt like nothing mattered. I lost my appetite and my ability to concentrate diminished.
This is me.
You can’t tell, but I lost a lot of weight.
The girl that I loved was gone. The person I talked to everyday was…gone. Meanwhile, all my annoying friends were telling me, “it’s better to be single.”
I was lost. I was confused. I wanted to text her so bad and see how she’s doing, but I knew I shouldn’t. When I decided I wanted her back, it was too late. See, no matter how many times I called, texted, or tried to convince her to be with me, it didn’t matter.
And the realization was kicking in that I couldn’t control her emotions. At this point, I would have done anything to get her back.
I was afraid I would lose her forever. What also sucked was that everything I looked at reminded me of her and I thought she was the only one for me.
The interesting realization for me was that although she was to blame for I how felt, she wasn’t responsible for how I felt.
I could have just lingered in limbo forever, but that would mean letting another person dictate my happiness. One of the important rules I preach never to do.
At some point after enough tears and sadness, I made a promise to myself to never have this feeling again.
It was my responsibility to get out of this and be happy. Not let it be determined by her or our relationship. If I was fine before we dated it only made sense that I would be fine after.
When I took this approach, a few things happened:
First, I spent months studying human behavior, psychology, relationships, etc. I was so curious about how one other human can have so much control over the way we live our lives and how we feel.
Second, I focused on me. I went back and did everything that I used to do before I got in a relationship. Working out, hanging out with friends, etc.
Third, a few months after reality kicked in, something funny happened. I noticed everything that was wrong about our relationship. I even started to notice all her flaws and they were crystal clear.
And then…something happened.
I heard from her.
We chatted. Made small talk and eventually set up a time & place to meet. Remember, I had not seen her for MONTHS!
When it came time to meet, I put everything I learned into action. It’s as if I was playing chess, but had extra pieces.
I remember it like it was yesterday…
I made a reservation at one of our favorite restaurants we used to go to together. Walked in with an extra swing to my step, crisp freshly bright-white ironed shirt, brand new jeans.
I was right on time, felt confident, and planned the night to perfection.
After we said hello to each and exchanged a few words, the waitress called us over, “We have your table ready sir.”
She led us upstairs to the second level, sat us down, I thanked her, smiled, and she walked away. I let my ex sit down first, then I sat, leaned back on the wooden midnight blue chair. Crossed my right leg over my left.
I was COOL as a cucumber.
I let her do most of the talking and we didn’t talk about “us” or the relationship at all. Everything was positive and the conversation flowed the water.
Nothing but pure joy, laughter, and clicking on all cylinders. The night went on like this. As we were nearing the end of our meals, I lifted my left arm, twisted my wrist towards my face, and glanced at my watch.
SHE SAW this, but didn’t say anything.
I SAW that she saw this, but didn’t say anything. The room was dead silent.
Another few seconds went by and then I said it.
“It’s getting late, I should get going soon.”
She knew right then and there, something was different.
That statement was the psychological loophole. Leaving when the moment is going perfect is irresistible to the mind. The last memory is a good one and naturally you want more of it.
Back to the story…
The old Payam would have hung out every minute of every day, now all of a sudden, he’s leaving early? Who is this guy? (Yes, I’m referring to myself as the 3rd person. Fucks given? None.)
She asked why I was leaving early and what happened to me.
My standoffish & pleasant attitude continued. That night was a success. We ended up rekindling and I mentioned nothing about seeing her again.
We ended up spending a lot of time again together, but there was one drastic difference. I put myself above her. My feelings. My life. Living this way is what makes you an attractive person.
I also never brought the idea of us getting back together. I wanted her to WANT it.
So much so, that it became her idea to get back together again and make it “official”.
This was credited to my game plan, which really was valuing myself more than ever. Self-improvement, remember?
To be honest, a part of me wasn’t even sure if I wanted her back anymore. I know, I know. Sounds unthinkable, right? I completely changed.
Back then, life was unbearable. But you know something? My ex moving on, might have been one of the most painful experiences I’d ever endured, but it was also the most important and influential experiences of my life and I hope you use this moment right now to view it the same.
Use it as motivation to change. To learn. To become a better human being.
I credit a lot of my own personal growth to that specific period in time. I’ve learned more about myself and that experience than I did in college. It sparked my interest to create something that would move people and help others so they can avoid making the same mistakes I did.
Most people that never go through a breakup have no idea how to handle it. That’s why I decided to teach you how to get your ex back.